Loneliness – a “Me” Post

September 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

This is one feeling I have not felt in a long time.
Such a long time that I don’t remember the last time. But today, I did.

My morning started pretty well despite my lack of sleep. I booked hotel accommodations for the family trip to Hong Kong then watched “Hanazakari no Kimitachi e”, one of three Jdramas I’ve been watching for the last couple of weeks. I then got to work and in the midst of my routine, I felt it. It lasted for approximately 3 hours.

For those few hours, I was lonely. So lonely, I felt that I could cry. I found myself wishing I was younger so I can do some things differently. I found myself wishing things I knew long ago were never gonna happen. It made me lonelier that I was with 10 other people at that moment and I could not bring myself to tell any of them. I couldn’t even stop working.

I mused over it since I got out of work and I’ve realized that there are quite a few things I have refused myself to admit. I don’t really want to write everything on this post but one thing, I realized that I have become so adept at filtering emotions.

I think it might be the dramas. They are all about youth, love, friendship and all that stuff. Dramas like that, while entertaining, make you feel things you’d rather not feel long after the drama has ended.

I know I’ll feel differently tomorrow and I probably won’t even think about this. Good night.

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