That One Guy

July 30, 2014 § 2 Comments

I had a dream today. I’ve been lying for about 10 minutes now thinking about it. Feeling warm (no, not because of the weather), thinking poetic thoughts. I now wish one of those thoughts was to write them down immediately. But I thought too late and as with dreams, I am now slowly forgetting it. But one thought remains, I guess it’s always been that one guy, my ultimate unrequited.

I know for sure the dream started differently. I was younger, like more than 10 years younger. I was doing paperwork of some sort and fell asleep in a room. Then woke up and it was late afternoon. The sky was light brown and if there was autumn in Cebu, that would exactly be how the setting is. I may have been in a dreamy version of my high school.

In the room was the guy closest to me from HS, I think. He may have morphed from being another person. You know how dreams are. Anyway, we walked out of the room. I looked around slowly, from left to right. Saw that only a few people were around and then suddenly, I saw him.

And he saw me. I walked back in to the room, closest guy forgotten. That one guy entered the room from another door and walked directly to where I was. I sat down on a chair and took the paper I was working on before I fell asleep from a table. Then, we sorta had a simple conversation. He took the paper from me, took a look at it and said “So you do that?” or something. I stood up, took the paper from him and responded with “Yes, we are allowed to do it” or something. Lol, obviously, I now can’t remember everything from the dream. And then we just stood there, looking at each other. Smiling at each other. And the feeling of hesitance abound.

And I woke up after that. If I had a regular job and a regular shift, right now would have been night time. It isn’t night time but I’m glad that even with the TV on in the living room, the volume is low. So I still have my silence. The silence to complement the dream.

This wasn’t the first and only dream I had about this one guy. I can’t remember any of the others though. And he doesn’t pop into my mind when I’m awake. I guess, even after all this time, he has been the only unrequited like/love that mattered in my life. The one that I guess I still long for in some degree.

I haven’t seen him since that time we parted. I haven’t talked to him in such a long time. I did try to look him up years ago, but he doesn’t seem to be on social media. He was on one but he never responded to my friend invite and that site has been taken down since.

So now 40 minutes have passed (wow I took that long to write). The warm, fuzzy feeling has passed and all that’s left is longing. Not for him (okay maybe a bit), but longing for I don’t know, a chance, a circumstance where our roads may have met after parting. I never got it. Cebu is a small island and I’ve seen several people I never thought I would see again. There were even people I saw more than once. But I never saw him again, the one guy I would have been ecstatic to see again. Yeah.. Sigh..

A couple of friends talked about him in passing years back. Something about him getting married. While I hang on to everything they said (but really, that was all they said), I didn’t jump into the conversation because I didn’t want to seem too curious. I was curious, btw. Anyway, I know I’ll never get my chance. Yeah… Sigh again….

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