The Year That Was 2015
January 2, 2016 § 1 Comment
I intentionally skipped doing my annual new year’s post on the first because I was exhausted. I had merely 3 hours of sleep because of NYE celebrations and then went ice skating. When we got home, I was ready to crash but my nephew insisted on playing Star Wars monopoly. I also had to finish the last Sims Freeplay quest because it was ending and I wanted more hairstyle choices, lol. So yeah, I slept past midnight.
I played with the idea to completely skip it this year but I really don’t want to break what has become a personal tradition. So I’m writing this at work in between interval reports (thanks to the holiday quiet).
2015 was a sad and difficult year.
On my birthday post, I wrote about how busy work was and how my friends got fired. My emotional state was indifference at that time. It started to get better for a month and then it got worse.
On September 24, my eldest cousin, Fernand or Nandy as we fondly called him, had a stroke due to aneurysm. He was in coma for 21 days and died on October 15. He was only 38 years old. He is survived by his wife and his 3 young beautiful children, ages 9, 4, and 2.
Our world changed.
When our maternal grandmother died 2 years back, I didn’t feel anything. We weren’t close even when she lived at home before her death. She abandoned her 8 young kids when my grandfather died and she never vocally acknowledged how wrong she was and never apologized to my mom and her siblings.
My cousin’s death was different. It hit us all badly. This was because he was a good person. During the 21 days he was in ICU, people flocked to visit him; the nurses were unable to deny people coming in after visiting hours. His friends held not one but three fund-raising events to help us with the medication and hospital bills. Each one of the 4 nights of the wake were full of family and friends.
Aside from his wife and oldest son, it was especially hard for my mother and brothers. My Nanay loved him so and actually saw him as her eldest child. He and my brothers were close and worked together (their separate photography and video firms have joint services). And we grew up together. Like, literally. Our houses are right next to each other.
I’ve told only 2 persons about this but I haven’t really cried about it. He was admitted at a hospital near to where he had the attack and that hospital was at least an hour away from home. I spent my weekends at the hospital with his wife. It was physically taxing on everybody who stayed at the hospital. On the first week, I held back on crying because Nanay was already distraught. By the 2nd week, I was numb. I was tired from having less than 5 hours of sleep every day (because of worry) and had no energy to think about it. I was on “robot” mode.
This continued on even after the wake and the burial. Yes, I cried when we buried him but it wasn’t the all out crying session I want (and need, I think). And even now that two months have passed, I still haven’t had that session. This because his wife and kids are staying next door and when his wife goes to work, the kids stay at home. Everybody just had to keep it in for the kids.
As I’ve said on my Christmas post, this season was very difficult for us. Even if we wanted to just wallow in our sadness and cancel celebrations, we can’t because we have to continue on living normally for his children. Those of us in Cebu usually spend new year eves together without planning to and this year, (I didn’t realize it until my mom pointed it out) I requested that we intentionally spend it together to remember Nandy. And even when we were smiling and having fun together, my heart ached a bit thinking how it would have been if he was still around.
In spite of all this, there are some positive outcomes. His untimely death is a wake up call for the younger Ozons. I can say it changed our priorities and goals. It also brought the family closer than how we already were, generally. There were plenty of instances when differences were put aside since then.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this post to be sad. I guess I just wanted to let it out.
Aside from this predominant event, it was a relatively good year. I’m glad to report that even though I took out a new loan to help with the hospital bills and I’ve committed to two five-year plans (for memorial plot and services), I am still on the green financially. I also read a lot, and got caught up on TV shows. I also got to reconnect with friends I haven’t talked to in a long time. It was not a good year for my blog though. My inactivity on this blog is inversely proportional to the craziness of real life. Which is kinda sad too because my blog is now 6 years old.
I’m honestly dreading what 2016 will bring. I’ve mentioned this a couple times before but this might really be the year my dad retires. And I’m a bit scared about what else will happen. I hope and pray God will give us a break this year.
So goals for this year. Last week, I got inspired by Brad’s weekly Building Rome (last week’s) reminder, and today while at lunch, I read my friend Girlie‘s year-ender post on her private blog and liked the idea of actually listing (and posting) my goal list. So I am going to do it for this year.
Below is my tentative list:
- Get my driver’s license and re-learn driving. Yep, and yep. I don’t want talk more about it, lol.
- Finish paying current loans (there are 2) in 8 months and not take out another one. Gosh I hope nothing happens that will make me.
- Save, save, and save! Gotta spend less on taxis and limit night-outs.
- Lose at least 10 kilos. Kakayanin!
- Continue reading books and watching shows. And be diligent in writing about them in The Recommenders.
- Write more just like in 2014. Revive my Flava private journal. I’m also considering creating a private blog to serve as journal but I don’t know if I can commit to posting regularly. I’ll have to think more about it.
- Update brothers’ website for 4:26 Studios.
- Keep in contact with faraway family and friends.
- Donate to UNICEF again.
- Learn a language or two.
- Be more patient. Be less sarcastic (this one is gonna be extremely difficult). Not say anything out loud if I don’t have anything good to say.
I think that’s about it. Wrapping this post up with my usual new year wishes for everyone: I wish that you will have enough for 2016. May the new year bring us happiness (and world peace). Sending love and positivity your way.